Rules for Interaction

I'm a student in a marriage and family therapy program that focuses on the self of the therapist. One of the primary thrusts of the program is differentiation of self. Over and over again we are invited to look at and attend to issues within ourselves, know ourselves, and grow as whole persons so that we might better serve our clients. I think it's brilliant.

These are the guidelines we follow in all of our course interactions:

·         Keep breathing and stay in the room.

·         Presume welcome and extend welcome.  Make a place for yourself and others in the conversation – in informal interaction, in small group discussion, and in large group interaction.

·         Refrain from fixing, saving, or setting straight others in the class.

·         When the interaction gets tricky, turn to inquiry rather than advocacy (wonder about something instead of defending something).  Pay attention to the distinction between dialogue (which begins with a question) and debate (which begins with an answer). Make sure your questions are real questions, not ones intended to make a point, demonstrate prior knowledge, or communicate a hidden agenda. 

·         Speak for yourself and own responsibility for your statements.

·         Think of silence as another member of the class.

·         Observe confidentiality, especially regarding material shared by other students.

How would the world look if we all committed to interacting with one another along these guidelines?

TMI? Nah...

Today is day 1 of charting my fertility signs using the fertility awareness method (FAM). Yes!

After nearly four years of preventing pregnancy with oral contraceptives, we're making a change that we hope is for the better. No, we're not trying to conceive. We're not there yet. Rather, we're trying to make decisions about how we live that are congruent with what we believe and profess. Our reasons for making this change are both health-related and theological, and we could not be more excited.

I'm thankful for this book, many supportive friends, and a fabulous women's health nurse practitioner in learning this approach to birth control and gynecological health. I look forward to learning all that I will!

Life is short. We ought not waste a day.

Today I'm reminded of the significance of this life. It can be so easily swept out from underneath us without warning. Last night a classmate from my growing up years lost a sudden and difficult battle with pneumonia. Pneumonia. It wasn't cancer. It wasn't a slow and predictable death, and the diagnosis shouldn't have warranted such a severe outcome. It was quick. It was unassuming. There was little time to respond as she quickly became progressively more ill. Despite doing whatever they could to keep this mid-20's woman alive, she passed away.

I hadn't seen Heidi in a few years, but my memories of her are fresh. I will remember her as a gentle and joy-filled person whose faith was unwavering. Her deepest commitment was to her Creator, and the image I see of her meeting her God is one that moves me to tears. I was recently at a funeral for a family member of my husband, Grandpa Joe. One man told a story of Joe's being elated when he learned of a friend's passing, excitedly responding with, "Good for him!" Today I'm overwhelmed with joy for Heidi as she looks into the face of God, but my heart is full of sorrow for her parents who are now without child, her extended family with whom she was so close, and her friends who walked with her through life and helped shape the person she became. What a significant loss for each one of these people. 

So much pales in significance compared to the meaning found in a life lost. Today I'm challenged to live a life worth remembering, to embrace today fully, and to be grateful for all that I've been given. It's cliche to say that life is short and that we ought not waste a day, but it truly is too short and we really ought not waste a day. Whether we live to be 2 days or 100 years, we're given but a brief moment of time, and each of those moments is pregnant with meaning and significance. How will we use the time we are given? 

Today I'm finding comfort in the arms of my God as I wrestle with this sudden and unexpected loss, but  I also choose joy and gratefulness. Heidi's story reminds me to be thankful for this life and the opportunities it brings. As long as my heart beats, I aim to live fully. May today be significant and meaningful in whatever ways it can be. 

We'll miss you, dear Heidi. Thank you for who you were and the ways you will live on in each of us.