A New Year (I know...a little late)

The way I think is like a rock tumbler. Things get thrown in my brain, they get rattled around, banged up, and beat each other to a pulp, and eventually something comes out on the other end. Of course, I'm not usually satisfied with the "polished" results, so often ideas get thrown back into the tumbler for round 2, 3, 4, 5, and so on. Really, every rock finds its way back into the tumbler at some point or another...most of them more than once.

This tumbler of this mind of mine never shuts off, so I find myself constantly "reflecting." Now is the time when many are reflecting on happenings from the past year and setting resolutions for the new. Did I think about these things earlier? Sure. But putting words to my thoughts can't happen when I decide I want words to come. Usually, the words come whenever I feel they are there. Does that resonate with anyone?

That said, I'm finally ready (as if February 9th is SO far behind...come on!) to think back about some of the happenings of 2010. As far as new year's resolutions go, I have to admit I'm a bit of a skeptic. Are there things I want to improve? Always. So why wait until a new year to start? I make resolutions all the stinkin' time. Apparently there is something about having to buy a new calendar that motivates people to change.

Anyway, here are some highlights of 2010:

1. Finished my first year of graduate school (successfully, I might add!). When I started, I knew from the start that I would be looking at a minimum of four years to complete this sucker that is a master's degree. Working full time, taking classes, being a wife, volunteering here and there, and spending time investing in relationships with friends and family all takes some serious time management and not a lot of room for error. I definitely had moments, but overall I think the academic year was a complete success.

2. Ran my first marathon. Yep, I ran the long 26.2 miles from Two Harbors to Canal Park in Duluth, MN. Grandma's Marathon was definitely a highlight for me. I love to run and have always wanted to do a marathon, so I signed up with a friend in the spring of 2010 and began my training. What an amazing experience it was. Maria and I became really close as we spent hours together on our loooooong weekend runs, and I really had a sense of accomplishment crossing that finish line. A couple days before 2010 ended, I signed up for a second marathon. I hope that 2011 will bring a time faster than my last (3:57) at the Minneapolis Marathon in June.

3. Welcomed 2 new nephews and a niece into the world. Need I say more? These little people are such blessings to us. We now have 5 nephews and niece, and we love each of them in amounts that cannot be explained. If our siblings keep having children, we'll be so full of knowledge about kids when we cross that bridge ourselves that our own are bound to be perfect. Just saying...

4. Became nomads. We are three years into our marriage, and we are still figuring out where we fit in the world of the larger church. Over the summer we decided to look for something new, and we've been attending a new church now, but we haven't owned it yet. I don't know that either of us is ready to say that it is where we belong yet, but we're feeling it out as we go. I'm thankful for friends who have journeyed with us as we've asked questions and wondered around what it means to be the people of God.

5. Let others in. One of the most insightful realizations I have had about myself over the past year is how little I let others know me. I am one of those who easily gets to know others but rarely lets others see me for me. I have been more intentional about letting others know me this last year. Sometimes that means exposing some raw and ugly places. Sometimes that simply means telling someone something about me. I have had to ask why I hold back and what prevents me from trusting others with who I am. Exposing who I am has happened in all kinds of ways, and my soul is thankful. I hope this is the start of a new way of doing relationship.

6. Cook/Baker woman in training. The first step in recovering from an addiction is admitting there is a problem. So here is my confession...I have become addicted to recipes. I want to try making anything and everything that has me salivating at its very sight. Why? Well, why not? Our kitchen is tiny, but it has become my laboratory for many a recipe. I've found that cooking and baking are therapeutic. Seriously. Websites, blogs, recipe books and magazines have served as my inspiration, and my husband as my guinea pig. Bless his heart. He says he doesn't mind.

7. Camping. We packed up our four-door sedan and drove north to Two Harbors, MN (for the second time that summer...see #2). We pitched a tent on the shore of Lake Superior and spent four days basking in nothingness. It was our first camping trip alone as a couple, and I must say, it was fantastic. We made big meals over a real campfire, played cards, disconnected ourselves from anything that needs to be plugged in (minus a few very necessary Twins updates), and just enjoyed spending time together. Oh, and one of the best parts? We positioned our tent so we could literally zip the door open and look straight out at the lake. Beautiful? Ooooooh yeah

2010 was a good year. There are a million other things I could write about, but to avoid the whole "million" thing, I'll keep it to seven. Here's to 2011 and the host of highlights it is sure to bring.

Blind Spots

In the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Bethel Seminary, we talk incessantly about self awareness and how important it is for one to be aware of presuppositions, biases, and ways of viewing the world to be an effective therapist. Shouldn't we all be challenged to think about these things?

Last fall I entrusted with a few of my classmates a true fear of mine. What if others know me better than myself? Of course, that initially sounds like ludicrous. Certainly we know ourselves better than anyone possibly could, right? I would argue that on some level this is essentially the case. Nobody else can understand exactly how we are feeling, what we are thinking, or the ways we are experiencing the world in which we live.

But where are my blind spots? Where do others have advantages over me in knowing...me? Think about looking at yourself in the mirror. Now think about looking at yourself in a photograph. In both of these instances, you are viewing a reproduced image of yourself. In fact, that is all you have seen of your own face(unless you have had some out of body experience in which you have looked at your physical self as a third party would...but I have yet to meet anyone who has experienced this!). Let's face it...you, and I, have only seen carbon copies of our true selves. I have never seen my face in the exact way you see it, and you have not seen yours the way I see it.

So where am I going with this? Think for a second about that one person who drives your crazy. Perhaps it was a pesky elementary school classmate, a brother or sister, or someone who you encounter on your daily stop at the local corner coffee shop. For a moment, ask yourself whether that person intentionally bothers you (of course, this analogy does fall apart when someone in fact does intentionally bother you...). Most of us would have to humbly admit that no, in fact that person doesn't intend to be a nuisance. And, I might argue, we claim to know something of that person that he or she does not because we possess a perception that the "annoying" person does not.

Where are my blind spots? Where do others have advantages over me in knowing...me? What do people of say of me that I would be shocked to hear? How are these blind spots affecting my relationships with those around me? In what ways are these blind spots negatively affecting others? Conversely, in what ways am I bringing joy to those around me without knowing?

Self awareness is a dynamic journey on which I always hope to venture. As I learn more about myself, I anticipate developing a greater understanding of how who I am affects others. My goal in this journey is to learn enough about who I am that my perception of myself and others' perceptions of me coincide in pseudo-harmony, understanding that I will always have blind spots and there will always be room for growth.

Here's to knowing myself better and understanding that you will always have an advantage over me in knowing me fully.

Well it has been months since I've updated this thing. Somewhere in between writing papers and reading oodles of books about this, that, and the other thing, this blogging business just didn't make the cut.

Life has been incredibly chaotic recently, and I am ready for things to unwind . School, work, volunteering, family...it all adds up pretty quickly. 5 of the last 6 weekends have been spent away from home, and this weekend the family is coming to us.

I love family time and doing the things we have been doing, but I truly believe we just need time to rest. I sometimes find it difficult to give and give without taking time for my own renewal. I am convinced that God wants rest for us. Constantly we see that Jesus went away and praying and resting. I will have to remember this when I am a therapist. A professor of mine told me that therapists need to take vacations, not as a luxury, but out of necessity for their own sanity. When she said that, I just knew I was going into the right profession...

Off to start another day at work, and then home for the weekend. I hope parts of this weekend will bring rest, relaxation, and some much needed time with my husband.

Until next time...whenever that might be! :)

Haiti

I can't even begin to describe the images I saw as I watched CNN last night. Stories of suffering people in the country of Haiti wrenched at my heart in ways I could not imagine.

An orphanage is without shelter as they watch their only home crumble from the instability caused by Tuesday's earthquake. The children are sleeping on the ground without anything over their heads, and their food and supplies are running low. Word has gotten out that food is present at the orphanage, and the two women overseeing the operation are fearful of the men scaling the walls to try and steal what they have.

The UN has pulled out doctors and nurses and all of their supplies because of fear they will be injured in the chaos. Many who are injured and ill have been left without care and will die if they don't soon receive proper medical attention.

Darwin's theory is proving to be true. Only the strongest are able to obtain parcels of food as they fight their way through the crowds, fighting over any piece of nourishment. What will happen to the weak?

Haitians are confusing packaging dates with expiration dates and are trampling over food they perceive to be bad. These packaged biscuits are high in vitamins and need no refrigeration or preparation; yet they are being thrown away and destroyed because of a reading mistake.

Adoption papers have been lost in the ruins of the fallen government buildings.

Bodies are being bulldozed into fields and dumped from dump trucks into pits without as much as a picture of their faces for identification. Thousands will be buried as if they have simply disappeared. Their families will not have the opportunities to say good-bye to their loved ones.

My heart is grieving for the people of Haiti. We complain about bad days, homework to do, and bills to pay, yet we have roofs over our heads, food in our stomachs, and our loved ones surrounding us. I feel so helpless as I sit here, thousands of miles away, watching the stories unravel on the TV screen before me.

I encourage you to think of the ways you can help from where you are. There is talk of issuing humanitarian visas to the children who are in the adoption process. This would allow them to join their adoptive families overseas, and make room for the many children who were and will be orphaned because of this earthquake. Please support and push for these efforts to lift the orphaned children out of Haiti and into the care of those who can adequately provide it during this time.

If you choose to contribute financially, please ensure that the organization to which your funds will be allocated is a reputable one.

Many of us will have gone to sleep last night without a second thought about the suffering people in Haiti. Many Haitians will have gone to sleep tonight wondering if they will see today. Please remember to keep these people in your prayers, and do what you can to support the relief efforts.

God continues to be good in the midst of the pain and suffering.

Untitled.

I've been contemplating the many facets of loving all people as I've immersed myself in Curtiss DeYoung's "Reconciliation." For those looking to be challenged, this is a must-read. I'm amazed by DeYoung's depictions of the ways our society still embraces prejudices toward various people groups. Women, racial minorities, economically challenged, or intellectually under-priveleged, we all must be confronted with the harsh realities of the "isms" we deny but know too well.

Are we ignorant? In denial? Unwilling to admit our personal positions? We say we value the worth and dignity of all people, but do we demonstrate as much?

I'm feeling convicted of the dissonance between what flows from my mouth and the way I live. At the core of my being I find worth in all who surround me, but these claims have little value if they remain thoughts inside my head or words that I speak out loud. We must actively seek to bring down the walls that cause one nation to hate another, one religion to hate another, one color to hate another, one orientation to hate another, one person to hate another. Christ was radical in that He spoke against such division, yet we continue to build walls with our actions and words.

Lord, let us first be reconciled to you through your son Jesus Christ, and then let us be reconciled with one another. Let us live the words we speak in such a way that all encountered persons will not only feel valued, but are valued in the greatest possible way. Let us authentically love our neighbors, whomever they may be. Amen.

What a Summer!

I've done a phenomenal job ignoring my blog for the last few months. Perhaps I've thought there was nothing exciting to share, but in fact, there is much to be thankful for and a great deal has happened.

First of all, I'll be heading back to school in September. I couldn't be more anxious, and I couldn't be more ready. When graduation rolled around in May, I was devastated to be removed from a formal learning environment, but I also knew that I would be heading back to school in a few months. I'm excited for this next chapter and can't wait to experience the ways I'll be challenged as I enter a graduate program. I have a feeling I'll be stretched in unimaginable ways - I can't wait!

Second of all, I got a new job! I am so thrilled to be back at Bethel as staff and thus far have enjoyed the transition into my new role. There is something wonderful to be said about working with people who are passionate about what they are doing and who see their jobs as part of a bigger picture. I feel so blessed to serve Bethel in a new capacity and anticipate great things moving forward.

Third, we moved! Life was great in our old place, but living more intentionally in the city has been so refreshing. I'm looking forward to getting to know our neighbors and learning from what they have to offer as well.

Fourth...God is good. I sometimes forget to acknowledge the many blessings I've been given because I'm caught up in the day-to-day worries of life. Today has been a day of intentional thanksgiving as I've become more aware of the many non-tangible riches surrounding my every moment.

Off to bed feeling excited for what's to come...

Procrastinating at its best...

So I'm sitting at a local coffee shop trying to get some writing done on Bonhoeffer's Christological theology and how that impacted his understanding of the church and Christian community. I must admit, it's been a bit of a challenge to get working on this paper. Although I find the topic completely intriguing, I've been consumed with much to do for other classes, work, and that thing we like to call job-hunting...not to mention getting accepted to a graduate program that I'm thrilled to be starting this fall! All that to say, that last couple of months have been a bit of a whirlwind, so I'm finding myself at the end of my allotted time and scrambling to finish this paper. 

The weather doesn't help. It is BEAUTIFUL outside...blue skies, green grass, and the sun is shining. If I could only take classes during the winter months, I'm convinced I would be so much more productive. Looking out the window at the beauty that is spring has me longing for a boat ride, watermelon, and a perfect summer night's bonfire. 

Oh yes, but back to Bonhoeffer. I sometimes wonder how we make it through times like this...so much to do and so little available time to do it. I'm amused by the updates on Facebook at this time of year: everyone is over-abundantly thankful for the weekend, everyone is complaining about having to much to do, and everyone is itching for a summer day. 

Random thought: Have you ever thought what people would think if they could get inside your head and hear your thoughts? Or watch you 24 hours a day and see your every move? I'm sure...most people have thought these kinds of things...but really, stop to think about it. In my attempt to eat healthier, I've been adding a boiled egg to my breakfast for a boost of protein. I've noticed that each time I bite into my boiled egg, I always hope that I'm biting into the end that the yoke has ended up on. Most of the time I can't see from the outside which side the yoke has gravitated to, so I try to guess. Nerdy? Yes. But you know you do weird things like this too.

Okay, I suppose I should get back to work on my paper. I've learned over time that these things don't write themselves (surprising, I know). Until next time...

SC